I AM A NINJA

SWIM THIS CHRISTMAS

2005-12-23T15:56:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve yet I don’t feel it.

I used to love Christmas. It used to make my heart swell with happiness. I used to count the days. I used to decorate the tree. I used to sing Christmas carols. I used to succumb to the shallow amusement of just watching the lights go blink......blink.......blink...

It wasn’t only because of the presents I will receive but also the anticipation to witness the reactions of my loved ones when they see the gifts I had for them. Each gift was chosen carefully with love and with deep hopes that the receiver will cherish and like it. I saved money like crazy then amaze myself at how many great gifts I was able to buy. The more great gifts, the more happy people I make. The more great gifts, the more I was able to give.

The image so vivid in my head is the time everyone in the family gathers in a circle to sing while giving out presents. Games for the young and old in the family – in teams or individually – gave everyone the right to act like sugar-over-loaded children. Some danced, crawled, ran, cheated, fell, rolled but there was one obvious thing we were all doing – we we’re all laughing. Laughing so hard it brought tears in our eyes. Pure joy was felt.

There was a lot of happiness, a lot of giving, and a lot of love. Love was ambient. I swam in it.... everyone else was swimming too.

It’s been a while since I last had that kind of Christmas. I wonder if I will ever be able to swim in it again.

VA TEAM - I LOVE

2005-11-05T18:47:00.000-08:00

This is the team I fell in love with. They are crazy and fun yet you also know that you are working with great minds. I found a family in them. Work was not like work and the office was like my home. I miss everything!...bigtime!

Life is full of tough choices. It sure was hard to let go.

Well, I can always keep all the good memories in my heart. I will definitely bring them wherever I will go.

TOP 10 THINGS I'M AFRAID OF

2005-11-03T08:00:00.000-08:00

electricity - I look forward to the day i'd be able to plug in the damn outlet.
ghosts - i scream at the slightest unexpected sound or motion as well as when i see ugly looking creatures.
lightning - i feel that it's following me and will one day hit me.
needles - I tried to overcome this by getting my belly button pierced. The piercing is still here and so is my fear.
sharp objects in the hands of clumsy people like myself - usually results to cuts, bleeding and a lot of crying... gross!
spiders, roaches or any insect for that matter - they might crawl in my ear and lay eggs on my brain.
Nephelium lappaceum "rambutan"- the hairy ugly fruit seems alive and they look like mini gremlins.
idols - 2nd commandment "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image" I fear that the devil resides in these things.
killers, robbers and the likes - these people have no heart and won't mind hurting others.
myself - yes. It's so weird but it's so true.... i scare myself. :(

let go of today

2005-10-16T04:27:00.000-07:00

It feels good to let my hands speak my thoughts. I don't think my lips will deliver my ideas as I wish for them to be shared. When you don't feel like you've been a good person, you don't want to say it. Still, one needs to release it through something. It's good that I can just write about it.

I've seen so much that I shouldn't have seen. I've done so much that I shouldn't have done. Sometimes, no matter how you fight, you still fail. I lie awake at night contemplating whether I did something right that day and making an inventory of the wrong things I did. Just before I shut my door from reality, I pray to be a better person the next day.

Life isn't easy but it can fill you with so much wisdom to help you through it. You just need to know where to pick up good ideas and know how to learn from mistakes. As a new song plays, let go of today.